Falling

I have been having a great deal of dreams lately where I'm falling. I'm falling and it feels like an immense relief is washing over me. They coincide with an increase in suicidal thoughts during my waking hours.

I feel especially sad these days. Thoughts of separation and grief are at an all time high. It goes hand in hand with shortening daylight, a terrible head cold and an openness of dealing with the grief.

The feelings also coincide with ongoing custody, visitation and child support litigation. The exhaustion that comes with trying to get blood from a stone is overwhelming. I have no idea where the extra pounds of flesh will come from.