Struggles

Living life with depression, even when it is well treated, brings with it enormous struggles. When living a so called normal life, struggles are present. We all have bills to pay, relationships to cultivate and careers to maintain. A life tainted by depression and bipolar II disorder creates significant challenges.

As I am undergoing ECT treatment for my depression a few things have become clear. My depression is lifting, thankfully. However confusion, memory loss and headaches have entered my daily living with damaging results. The struggles these side effects have produced make my daily life an even greater struggle.

My normal work day has become a consistent struggle to keep pace with simple tasks. The act of scheduling appointments, answering phone calls and designing simple systems have all become considerable tasks. These daily tasks were once second nature to me, but performing them as I struggle with depression has been difficult.

Bills have also become quite a burden. As a sales representative my livelihood comes from commissions. The months leading up to my recent hospitalization were extremely barren. I watched as my savings disappeared. Take into account six weeks of out of work hospitalization and two weeks of extensive outpatient therapy and you can imagine the financial impact depression would have on my financial solvency. My depression and my new treatments for depression have directly impacted my earning ability as well as my ability to pay my debts.

Relationship building is another area that depression has taken a negative toll. Depression brings with it the desire and reaction to isolate from others. The act of getting out to spend time with current friends is negatively impacted, let alone finding and building new relationships. Stresses over my mental health and financial standing often prevent me from getting out and socializing. I find that I really need to push myself extra hard to socialize consistently. I'm very lucky to have a handful of friends who understand this about me and really help to get me out and moving.

All in all these struggles may seem typical and ordinary. I can assure you that enduring the struggles with depression and bipolar II disorder are concentrated. The daily struggles invade every action from preparing my work day materials, socializing and communicating with others and simply having enough financial solvency to fuel my vehicle for needed sales calls. The struggles that come with depression and bipolar II disorder are exhausting.

I am hopeful, however, that with continued ECT treatment and a revised medication regiment that the struggles will become easier. As I feel my depression lifting and all of these struggles become simpler to endure and overcome that life will brighten. As my depression continues to evaporate and my everyday life becomes more normal and consistent I truly believe that great things await.