Sunny Disposition

After last weeks ECT, I had a wonderful weekend. I visited with friends and even played a game of golf. My spirits were light and sunny. I felt optimistic and very cheery.

ECT has really done wonders, with proper medication management of course. There is no replacement for a complete medication evaluation and program. The medications are still helping and needed.

I'm currently on 20mg of Propranolol, 200mg of Lamictal and 5mg of Abilify daily. While the low dose of Abilify is quite low in terms of possible doses it is providing a boost without producing the nasty side effects the 10mg dose left me fighting.

I am also taking a sleep aide, Doxepin, due to the problems I had developed in regards to falling and staying asleep. The fight with depression requires one to combat sleep problems and ensure a full and restful sleep pattern. I have achieved this and find myself achieving eight hours of sleep each night. There really is nothing quite as good as a good nights rest.

Hand in hand with good sleep is plenty of sun. Vitamin D from the sunshine is another great depression fighter. Whether I find myself playing golf, walking or riding my bike, soaking up the sun is vital. Sun worship is crucial to a healthy battle with depression, it really fights the blues. Get out there and soak up some rays.

ECT

Today will be my 14th ECT Treatment. Electro convulsive therapy is still somewhat controversial but proves to be be extremely effective at treating depression.

I was just in the hospital from the beginning of April until the middle of May. I was depressed and suicidal. Medications alone were not working for me any longer. My doctor suggested we try ECT since we were not seeing success with medications and talk therapy alone.

ECT has been extremely effective at lifting my deep, dark and suicidal depression. The first 8 treatments didn't really produce any marked results. The treatments from 8 until the present have indeed been life altering. I feel more hopeful. The depression has lifted markedly. Friends report that my face is more animated and that I appear more cheerful. ECT is really working.

I have had a few side effects from the treatment that have been troublesome. The first most prominent side effect is that after treatment I am left with a considerable headache. This headache will often last 24 to 48 hours.

The other side effect has been some problems with my short term memory and post treatment confusion. The confusion normally clears within 12 to 24 hours. The memory loss issues have been a little more long lasting. I have been told the memory loss will correct itself as the treatments lessen.

All in all I would highly recommend ECT treatment for people who are suffering with depression that is resisting medication treatment. It has made an enormous difference in my management of my mood.

Return

My last post was months ago. I went through a very good patch from November 2011 until January of 2012. Everything clicked along smoothly, personal life, work life and medications all seemed to gel nicely. Then I hit a snag.
It is hard to say what went wrong. I suddenly became aware that my depression had returned, I was isolating and I felt terrible. Lithium was not keeping my dark depression at bay. I was sleeping badly, eating poorly and my social life was non-existent.
Come March I was thinking about suicide on a daily basis. I was devising plans and writing my suicide letters by the end of the month. At the beginning of April I decided to end my life and went to my pre-chosen location and was going to hook up my vehicle and something stopped me.
Instead of taking my life I checked in with my medication manager at Acadia Hospital and was admitted to the hospital for observation. I spent close to six weeks admitted to Acadia Hospital for treatment of my depression and bipolar II disorder.
In the coming days and weeks I hope to return to writing about my experiences as I struggle with depression and bipolar II disorder. I will describe my travels as I have struggled; social problems, physical problems and the emotional pain of the condition. I will describe my journey towards finding the correct medication. I will also write about my experiences with some unconventional therapy.
I hope for this to again become a place for me to process the painful struggle that is depression and hopefully generate some sense of recovery and hopefulness in my daily life.