I woke Saturday morning with a raging sore throat, blocked ears and stuffed sinuses. It is difficult because when you are sick sleep and rest are the best things to get you back on your feet. Unfortunately, sleep and rest bring with them their own set of problems.
The extra downtime to sit and ponder for the depressed is like poison. I tried to walk late on Saturday but I felt too crappy. I tried to read abit, but no luck there as I couldn't concentrate. There are only so many movies you can watch before the enjoyable ritual becomes a burden of distraction.
Being sick just compounds my minds ability to get the best of me. I keep replaying loops of what I did wrong to end a beautiful five year relationship. The solitude and sickness seem to be like fertilizer for the self loathing thoughts. They multiply and take on truly sinister proportions.
Luckily work for Monday kept me occupied and my mind off my ex partner and my rotten head cold. Still, I don't feel well enough to walk tonight so it will be another evening of fighting off depressed and weary thoughts. This whole grief and depression deal is gotten really old and tiresome. I long for some good old fashioned boredom without a depressed or saddened thought in sight.
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