Not Enough Buckets

One of the things about living with bipolar and depression that is the toughest is finding enough buckets to dump my worries in. Worries over money, friends, work, relationships, if there will ever be another relationship, family and the list goes on and on.

Just when one worry has been safely put to bed another awakens to spoil my mood. I can never seem to rid myself of worry these days. I certainly feel like I don't have enough buckets to carry the load safely.

I lean on a few close friends, but I don't want to burn them out. My family helps with a number of them and they are very helpful, but I don't want to overtax them either. My therapist is earning his dollars these days as well, his bucket is great because I can fill it and truly leave it behind. His bucket is unlike friends and families buckets which are always lingering around and your worries are never truly gone once they are filled.

I carry alot of my worries around with me all day. I try and dump them off in places, or sort them out and solve them, or simply put them to rest for later. I never seem to have enough buckets though. I long for a day soon that isn't hampered by excessive worry. The one saving grace currently is that my sleep has been untouched by worry. For whatever reason I seem to be able to shelve the worry before sleep. I believe it is my meditation practice that helps with this. I enter the time of sleep relaxed and focused on positive images.