Adjustments

It is time for an adjustment to my medications. I am tolerating the increase in the Abilify, now it is time to reduce the Lexapro. This is a slow and methodical process that requires a great deal of patience.

The goal is to target the Bipolar symptoms and still cover my depression. The Lexapro is the most likely culprit that is escalating my agitation and irritability. Hopefully a lower dosage will still target my depressed symptoms without revving me up.

If the depression worsens we will move to a more standard Bipolar treatment. That would mean switching from Lexapro to either Lamictal or Lithium. At this point it doesn't matter what I'm taking or what they call the disorder I just want relief.

I feel hopeful that recovery is possible. I have a mountain of transitions still in front of me, but I feel like I can sense hope. It is still too early to see long term gains, I'm still focused on day to day survival.

Suicidal thoughts still plague me on a daily basis. Multiple stresses still bother my daily life, but I'm beginning to sense some clarity. I have moments in my day of true peace. I still have a mountain of grief over losing my partner, the pain at times is unbearable. But I'm hopeful that in time it will lessen. I'm hopeful that the early stages of recovery are close.

For the first time in weeks I sense that my life is improving, just a little, but it is a start. I know it may well become messier before it improves, that is the nature of recovery. But I feel hopeful.

Take Care Of Yourselves!