Hurdles

It feels like I am getting a handle on my depression and Bipolar Disorder but I have a number of hurdles still to navigate. Grief being the primary state that nowadays throws me the meanest punch.

Separations are never easy and this one is no picnic. Morning, noon and night I am consumed with feelings for my ex partner. The sadness is almost tangible, like a heavy cloud that surrounds me all of the time, you can almost see it.

I have no doubt that those around me can sense my sorrow at losing my relationship with the best partner I have ever known. The sorrow can cripple and paralyze with sweeping speed and force.

I miss so many things about her it is hard to describe in mere words. Her presence was beyond description and the power she held over me was lovely. I cherished each and every moment with her, from the simple pleasantries of the morning to the passionate sex. The emptiness that her leaving me has left me with is the deepest most pervasive pain I have ever felt.

Grieving her loss is the longest stretch of hurdles I will run in my recovery. There is no end in sight, as a matter of fact I don't even feel I have left the start blocks yet. I don't feel I have even begun to deal with our parting. I have on some levels, the pain tells me this, but I don't feel I have started to really deal with the magnitude of my losing her.