Fading Anger

It has been a couple of weeks now since lowering my dosage of Lexapro, which is an antidepressant. I made this move after lengthy consultation with my doctor. We made this decision based on signs that depression was not the root cause of my mood disorder and that bipolar mixed state was fueling my anger and irritability.

It looks like the bet is paying off. My mood is much calmer with less situational irritability and underlying anger. I'm beginning to feel like myself again, slowly but surely.

I'm certain it isn't just the medication changes. I'm still meditating twice a day, walking once a day and making sure my sleep is recooperative. The sleep has become my least worry as it seems to come easily and I'm sleeping through the night. The exercise takes committment, it is easy to want to skip walks and rides. My meditation practice has really been an easy change to make, morning and night blends into my lifestyle quite nicely.

I think moving forward my primary worry is dealing with the grief. I have just begun to uncap that and allow myself to actually feel it. I have said before it is refreshing to feel, as living with depression was mind numbing, but the strength of the grief is frightening. I feel like I need to take this journey in small easy steps. My worry is that it could tumble me back down into another major depression. While hospitalization was extremely helpful, I don't want to return to that any time soon.

So, I will keep keeping on and moving forward little by little. Here is to another good day and a brighter future, one can only hope!

Take Care Of Yourselves!