Weekends

Weekends are still hard. Struggling with mental health is a real challenge. The work week brings with it its own set of challenges, but the weekends are the hardest.

The work week brings the focus of work and a schedule of tasks to complete. My weeks are typically very busy and my appointment schedule keeps me moving rather quickly to keep up.

The busy weeks don't let my mind wander too much, which is a real blessing. I'm too busy to slow down and ponder my living situation, mental health and the grief I'm still wading through. That all changes come the weekend.

I work pretty hard to set a schedule for myself during the weekends to avoid downtime. Visiting a few friends, laundry, and exercise keep me rather busy. The evenings and the holes during the day are tough. I know I should be allowing myself to feel the grief, the pain, the anguish.The hard part is that it just hurts badly and I want to avoid it. I want to run from it. I just can't let myself go with it. I miss my partner just too damn much and I can't let myself feel that terrible missing her.