Dark Journey

Well, the migraines have subsided, but my mood is still primarily dark. I can't seem to shake feeling down and depressed.

Even my meditation time has felt heavy and burdened. With my "mind in the moment" mindset I'm just trying to roll through it without fighting too much.

From the moment I'm waking till the moment I close my eyes at night I feel like a failure. I can't help but feel I screwed up the best relationship I ever had. I don't feel especially hopeful.

Funny, since the title of this blog is a hope filled life. I haven't felt especially hopeful lately and apologize for the dark tone of my posts.

I keep hoping that the pain, grief, depression, numbness and self loathing will cease. No luck on that front. Each day feels as heavy as the last. Each day feels burdened with just trying to survive. Work, eating, moving, sitting and virtually all activity is filled with dread and heaviness. Terrible really. I yearn for relief.