Loneliness

Loneliness and depression  really seem to go hand in hand. I have written before about the circle of depression fracturing self esteem. It begins with the perceived need to isolate. Then comes the heavy loneliness followed by the horrible feelings of worthlessness. Lastly come the rebounding need for isolation. It is truly a dreadful cycle.

I try to break it by being out and trying to socialize. It doesn't always work. Sometimes I get a little lift in my spirits. I may run into a friend and the surprise encounter fills my sails. We may chat a bit and the darkness ebbs for just a little while. These encounters are prizes!

Tonight I encountered my ex. I am a small town casualty of love and separation. I  walked into my favorite place downtown and there she was. I didn't even see her at first. I sat down at the bar, ordered and there she was staring in my direction. To say it was a painful experience would be a gross understatement. 

It was a moment of being in public and feeling utterly, helplessly and entirely alone!