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| Birches by Matt May 2011 |
I am currently faced with a mid morning return of the anxious depressed state so we are augmenting more propranolol midday. If this doesn't help correct my path we will try and lessen the Abilify to better target its effect on seratonin output. I feel in exceptional hands. I feel heard and respected. I really can't say enough good things about Acadia Hospital.
That brings me to seizing the positive. My medication manager believes that positive self talk is as important to regulation of biochemical responses as medications. I'm glad he does because so do I.
Since my second week in hospital I have been focusing on sending myself positive self talk messages. They come with great difficulty as depression lays waste to any semblance of self esteem, but I'm "faking it until I make it", as my manager likes to say. I agree. Right now it feels like faking, but there are amazing glimmers of thought that warm and console.
My day today was a nice reprieve from the heavy depressed darkness of yesterday. My mood jiggered along through the day maintaining good nature through a good portion of it. Occasionally, I could feel sullen mood and the entity rising and I would positive think my way in the opposite direction. While this requires a great deal of energy the effect is so worth the efforts!
I can turn a poor day into a nice day simply by working to direct my thoughts. Now, this doesn't always work out as yesterday bore true to me. No matter how positive I tried to be I just couldn't fully internalize the positive thoughts. Depression can be so slithering and destructive. So, on days that positive self talk doesn't work I will just embrace the depression for the time being, knowing that in time the pain will ease a bit.
Here is wishing you a positive day!
Take Care Of Yourselves!
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