Calmness

I'm not entirely sure why, but over the past few days I have felt exceptionally calm. I don't feel particularly depressed or down, my heart isn't aching abnormally, and I have been sleeping very well.

I'm striving to stay in the present and enjoy this new found feeling, because as experience has shown me it may not last. The old worries and unresolved grief may rise up and try and swallow me.

I have had a few anxious moments when a heaviness suddenly washes over me, but the spells haven't been prolonged. They typically come to me in the early morning hours, or in the evening as the hectic pace of the day gives way to down time.

The moments when I have time to sit and ponder are the problem times. When my mind is free to explore my current state is when trouble flows in. The flow can turn from a trickle to a flood in a heartbeat. As of late the downtimes have been overwhelmingly calm. No depression, self loathing and despair. These things have been absent from my days and nights.

I know I still have a great deal to contend with, but I'm pleased with this reprieve. Depression and this illness have taken a great deal from me that I have yet to fully explore and deal with. Truly I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of my pain, loss and grief.

Take Care Of Yourselves!