July 3rd

Sluice by Matt June 2011

The path. The path to a healthy life. The path is my current journey towards recovery. My meditation regiment has derailed slightly from the path, I think because I began trying to force a direction.

Instead of simply following the path, I have begun trying to cleave my way through a forest of depression. I went off my path a few weeks ago and just realized it this morning. I have ventured away from my goal of seeking to develop a safe refuge.

Simply put, I am now constructing my meditations instead of observing a flow of images and thoughts. I no longer am content to sit beside my thoughts and imagery, focused on my breathing. I have become a dam builder.

My new goal for my meditations will be to return to my initial images, practices and mindset. I will sit and observe my thoughts without trying to control, impede or manipulate. I will return to the focus upon my breathing.

Instead of having my meditation time be the refuge I was seeking, I began declaring war on depression. I began constructing ways to keep depression away and I lost the pure intentions of my practice. My initial goal was really to create a port of solace, a place of relaxing beauty to help recharge. To be completely honest I am now expending too much energy for it to be relaxing or restful.

Back to the path!