I have had months of some pretty traumatic losses. Losses, that by themselves, would most likely cripple anyone. But stack them like fragile playing cards and I'm a disaster waiting to unfold.
Living alone provides me with the escape I need to come undone. Holding it together while I'm at work is exhausting. By the end of my work day I'm at the edge of coming unglued.
Getting together with friends is a welcome release, but I'm still early in the recovery process. I still have a limited amount of emotional energy that needs to be let out. My alone time is helping with that release. I can let my guard down and not worry about keeping it all together.
Of course there is a fine line between alone time and isolation. Isolation is unhealthy for anyone with depression. I do take advantage of every chance to be out and to be social, but also take care of my need for recovering alone time.
My alone time is vital for me to rediscover who I am and what I need. I'm newly diagnosed with a significant mental illness that will require lifelong maintenance. My hospitalization and suicidal ideation is a serious issue that could easily cycle again if I'm not cautious. Caring for myself and my recovery needs to be my primary requirement right now. I need to get to know me again.
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