The Entity

I am early in my recovery from depression and feel incredibly vulnerable. Largely due to the entity, depression, that has set up shop within me. This entity is sly and I must always remain watchful.

A wise friend has used this term, entity, to describe depression and the grip it has on people who suffer with it. When I interact with this entity I feel as if there is a stranger within me. The thoughts and feelings I experience when depression gets rolling are so alien, so strange and unlike my typical nature.

When the depression awakens and begins taking me on a negative journey of degrading self talk it can be very hard to reign in the entity. He wants me to isolate, degrade myself, alienate friends and family. He is looking to lure me into the darkened room that he has prepared. It is stocked with flawed images of my life and interactions. They are incorrect, but I have difficulty distinguishing those facts.

He has casually and slyly changed the lenses that I see my life through. In essence, he has muddied the waters so that he can feed. Through the selected lenses the entity provides me I see nothing but negativism. Each and every scene and memory is tainted to illustrate my fears and failures. There is no place for success in his room.

I know it is up to me to alienate the entity. In order to fight the depression I must change my thinking. I practice positive self talk throughout my days now. I repeat phrases to myself, "I am worthwhile", "I am valuable", "People will miss me". These statements are the fuel I require to help me banish the entity from my life.

I have also discovered the entity does not want me to breath! I combat this by taking a few moments when I am strong and feeling secure to breathe deeply. It strengthens me to feel my breath drawing in and flowing out, to relax. If I practice breathing when I am strong, I will be all the more ready when the entity tries to invade and take hold.

I have also learned the power of positive visualization. I conjure a positive image in my mind. For me it is a pristine day in Acadia National Park. I am sitting on the grass at Jordan Pond. The air is cool and crisp. The pond is tranquil and reflects the large white puffy clouds above. The Bubbles, small hills in the distance, rise up with a steadfastness that is reassuring. The entity hates this place!

When sleep comes, I really must be prepared. The entity strengthens throughout the day and lays in wait to seize my thoughts when I am most vulnerable. I combat the depression and fight the entity with a three phase attack. Positive self talk, deep breathing and positive visualization.

Fight your internal entity and please take care of yourselves!