Grief

Depression has cost me dearly. My relationship of over five years was laid waste to by my depression, disconnection and suicidal thoughts. As I grew ill and isolated I carried distance between us and it has absolutely broken my heart.

I love my partner dearly and the pain I feel right now is really quite horrible. I miss what we had together and what I have lost personally. I feel so completely ashamed for what depression has done to me and my connections with the person I love.

Depression carried me inward. I became extremely negative and pessimistic. I isolated and began speaking less. I withdrew from things that I had previously found joy in. I lost interest in touch, talking and sex. I hated myself numerous times throughout the day. I knew deep down these thoughts were wrong, but they drove me nonetheless.

It is important for me to explain this, almost to myself. Important because I need to return to who I was prior to depression. I need to have a life again. I need to feel joy and find joy once I am well. I need to be well so I can be strong for myself and eventually others.

One step at a time.