Hospitalization Journey

On April 22nd, 2011 I was hospitalized due to my depression and the developing suicidal ideation. For me, the thought of psychiatric hospitalization was akin to driving into a dark tunnel on a sunny day. The known, the comfortable, the familiar driving into a darkened abyss. Sure, some might say suicide is similar, for me it was not. My mind had it sorted, albeit distorted and confused, as suicide equating comfort and soothing release. Hospitalization on the other hand, conjured up images of the unknown, the uncomfortable, the unfamiliar. Electing to voluntarily proceed with psychiatric hospitalization was far more frightening than the idea of suicide.

So, with the love and support of my best friend, we went to the emergency room together. For those lucky enough to have never required this type of hospitalization I will briefly outline my journey.

Upon arrival at the hospital I checked in to EMMC Emergency Room in Bangor Maine, explaining in detail why I was there through a torrent of tears. The shame I felt was overwhelming.

The staff politely took my wallet, belt, cell phone and laces as a precaution to ensure my safety. They moved me to a safe room where I was observed by hospital staff while waiting for a transfer to Acadia Hospital, the local mental health facility. This was without question the hardest thing I have ever done. Had it not been for my best friend supporting me through it I would have fled town to act out my plan and commit suicide. She saved my life that day. I also want to praise EMMC Hospital staff for treating me with kindness, respect and dignity throughout the entire process.

My next post will cover from emergency care to in patient hospitalization.

Take care of yourself!